well...my Fiancee asked me the other day "why can't you love me like you loved michelle?" (yes he knows about michelle) i said that i was scared because i didn't want to run him away like i had done michelle. which was a lie. sigh, the real reason is because i don't want to. i don't want to love anyone like i loved michelle. which is kind of pathetic, but if i could find a guy that had every quality that michelle has...then i would. but alex isn't a michelle. he can't be a michelle. no one can. i loved her with every fiber i had. and she left...which isn't her fault. it's because i moved...which was my fault. becuase if i hadn't been such an idot and didn't skip school and run away all the time. or sneek out the house or did drugs. just been the kid that my mom wanted me to be. i'd still be there, with Amanda and Justin...and Michelle. holding her hand...or not whatever is good with me. as long as i could stand next to her. as long as i could see her face and hear her laugh once again. i'm a useless thing though to alex...i tried i tried so hard to let go of her....because it was hurting me, and not fair to alex. no fair to him because i still have feelings for her. why i do? idk...its just hard to get rid of your first love. so hard...i got over it for a while...but she's always there...hidding in the back of my mind just waiting for an old memory to come out, and when it does i can't help but think of her. Sigh....whats wrong with me? can anyone tell me?